Tumblr, can I PLEASE tell you this totally inappropriate and ridiculous story that’s totally inappropriate and over-sharing but if I don’t tell someone I’ll SPLODE.
So I come home, have a glass of wine, thinking I look pretty hot for someone who just got off work, so I start lovin’ up on myself, mmmk.
My brother starts beating on my door like SHAUNA I DON’T CARE IF YOUR SLEEPING I NEED YOU TO COME HERE.
So I’m thinking OH GOD SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG, so I jump out of bed, hide the vibrator, pull out my butt plug (yea I said it) super fast which hurt like a BITCH, pull my pants up, and run to the door.
Turns out, my brother has one of the local Mob bosses’ daughters downstairs in his bed, today is her uncle’s funeral, her whole family is looking for her, and she is still pretty drunk and just refusing to leave. PLUS, my pap pap is on his way home from the gym and you do NOT bring people home in his household, I was ptactically ENGAGED and he made us sleep in seperate bedrooms. Homeboy DONT play that.
So I sneak downstairs, get her phone, charge it, and turn it up as loud as possible so that her mom is just blowing her up constantly until she realizes this is KIND OF A SITUATION AND SHE HAS TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW.
The moral is not only is she still here but my butt freaking HURTS.
I AM SORRY.